Tomorrow I die

Blood of Olympus is tomorrow and I can't get it for two fucking weeks. My emotions are all over the place right now and I keep crying on and off because I know it's the end. 

I can't handle this right now. 

😭Tuesday😭

So the end is coming. 

The real end... Of percy Jackson. I'm in no way ready to let go of my all time favorite character but I knew I would have to some day. 

The only thing I can hope for is that he doesn't lose his life. I SWEAR ON THE RIVER STYNX THAT IF PERCY DIES ILL SUICIDE MENTALLY. ATTEND MY FUNERAL CUZ IT WILL HAPPEN. 

If percy, annabeth, Leo, or nico die I'm gone. Bye falichia. Nope. Pray for my soul this week guys 

Falling but not landing

II've never nessicarily thought of myself as a suicidal person, because I'm not. I want to live. I really do. I do see myself as depressed though and I'm afraid someday that will turn me into something worse. There's something horrifyingly beautiful about the fact that people enter and exit our lives so swiftly. I chose to focus more on the horror. 

If someone were to ask me if I would leave this earth given the chance, I would probably say no but yes. I meant it when I said I want to live out life, but I also don't want to live through more pain. I'm not sure exactly what I would answer. I'm a very complicated person. 

The disappointment is just overwhelming. The judgment from others, the lies, the fake ass people who were beautifully painted masks to hide their ugly insides, the people I love that are either taken away or leave. It's all too much. I feel myself falling but never really hitting the ground. I get a taste of the pain and sorrow you receive from living but no matter how many times I jump over the edge, I still never land. I never die. 

This is a blessing but also a nusience to me. I want to give up. But I don't want to hurt the people around me. I can't be selfish. I just can't be. It's so hard not to be sometimes though. Sometimes when I'm thinking of ways I could die, I think of my mothers face. How disappointed she would be in me if she knew. Then I think of how horrified and ruined she would be if she found her youngest dead. I couldn't do that to her ever. Or anyone in my family for that matter. 

So here I am. Slowly dripping down the pane of life. Trying to figure out what to do. If I didn't have my family, I would have been dead a long time ago. 

I'm trying.

I'm trying. 

"I wanna fly, can you take me far away? Give me a star to reach for. Tell me what it takes and I'll go so high. I'll go so high, my feet won't touch the ground. I stitch my wings and pull the strings. I bought these dreams, that all fall down."  

Social media and stuff

Since it's been a while since I posted, all of my URLS have changed for like EVERYTHING because I updated them a long while ago. So here are the new ones (I'm not changing these again btw) 

Twitter: personal account- @some_booknerd 

Fan account- @cather_katnip

Instagram: @some_booknerd

Tumblr: @radioactive-Lawrence

Vine: Elise hudson 

Come find me! 

~bloody_mockingjay 

Tfios in 4 days

So I'm sure everyone knows already but TFIOS comes out on DVD in 4 days. 4 DAYS! I already have money saved for it and I'm prepared to die just like I did in the theater. 

One thing I realized though was that I never posted about when I saw the movie so I will now. I saw TFIOS the day before it came out in theaters. I went to a special presentation for it that was called "the night before our stars" where they gave us signed posters, charm bracelets, and we got to have a live chat with the cast and john green after the movie. 

It was such an amazing night. I cried so hard that I was literally dry heaving and I almost threw up. (I know I'm a dork) but for real it was so beautiful. It was almost exact to the book and it just killed me. It's just such a sick, twisted, and beautiful story all at once. I'm very thankful I got the opportunity that I did to see it in advance. 

So ya. I'm getting the DVD this Tuesday and I can't wait to drown in my own tears all over again. 

~bloody_mockingjay

NOVEMBER 22nd

5 DAYS! I REPEAT, 5 FRICKING DAYS UNTIL CATCHING FIRE AND GUESS WHOS GOING TO THE PREMIERE? THIS GIRL RIGHT FREAKING HERE!!! I am so happy and can barely contain my excitement. Idndjicjeiwnddjowdjcnddondjfjfnsjdnfjdkxdndjdnjdbdjdndkdbdjddifjhfjsobdkforjsjdhkdidnejfjfjjrodlajdnywgvsywffsudgspldmxbgsfwvdy. 

The hunger games are my number one series and I am so freaking excited to see catching fire especially because that was my favorite book out of the three. Are you ready for the world to catch fire? 

Catching fire

Catching fire is in 12 freaking days and OMG I can't even. I'm so excited like imma pee from how excited I am!